Is this week over yet?

What a week I've had. Well, really, I should say what a Wednesday I've had. A whole lotta stuff happened yesterday and I'm just now catching my breath. It's not all that exciting or fun, but it was insane and I just need to type it all out so I can wrap my head around it all.

After getting all of the kids off to school, I went straight (pun intended) to my hair stylist for my Brazilian Blowout! It was easy and my eyes burned, but my hair looks amazing! I love it! I no longer have to flat iron my hair after a washing. Plus it's so soft and doesn't tangle either! On to the crazy...

I had a meeting at the twins school to discuss Addyson at 11:00. I finished at the salon at 10:58. I had two minutes to make a five minute drive, a one minute park job and a one minute sprint to the office. I walked into the meeting 5 minutes late. But I looked damned good doing it! We talked about Beans (Addy) and figured out a game plan, it's boring and you wouldn't care any way.

Then I had to race home to get the twins drinks for the ride home, otherwise all hell would break loose. I was 5 minutes late to pick them up. I used to be early to everything. Now that I have a gaggle of children, I will never be early for anything, just getting somewhere on time is considered a success!

So I get the twins home and get a call from the school nurse. Ty has put a rock in his ear and they can't get it out. So I have to summon Curtis home from work, race up to the school to get Ty and take him to the ER. We waited in the ER for what was probably 3 days and we were the only people there. So the ER doc removed this tiny pebble and scared Ty into never putting any thing else in his ear or nose.

Then I have to go to parent teacher conferences for Alexis and Ty. They are both amazing, smart, lovable, helpful and friendly kids. There, I would've saved two teachers 15 minutes of their and my lives. Also, with the rock incident, Ty missed cake he made in class and Alexis missed an ice cream party that her class won in a contest. Ty's teacher saved some cake for him, which surprisingly made it home. And we threw our own ice cream party, yummy!

And finally, I had to rush my cat Tim to the vet last night. He got very sick in two days and looks like he's close to deaths door. He's bunking at the vet where hopefully they can help him live and keep me from losing a piece of my heart. I'm going to visit him later today, but his doctor said he's very critical still and I really hope he can pull through. I'd give anything to have Tim push something off of the computer onto my head right now. Poor Buddy.

So there it is. A normal Wednesday in my insane asylum.

Feel free to leave a comment like tl;dr. I'd completely understand.

One Free Walmart Post!

You didn’t think I would go a week without talking about my favorite place on Earth, did you? I had a return to make, a costume that Addyson changed her mind on, and I walked to customer service to see one woman at the counter and I was next. Since my morning was spent waiting for a gold tire for my SUV (more on that later) I was a little rushed to finish my errands and get the twins from school.

Anyhow, I watched the cashier put the lady’s check into the electronic flippy check jobber, and the thing kept spitting it out and saying some sort of error. Even the register could tell this lady was sketchy. But the cashier kept trying to convince the register to please just take the damned check.

Meanwhile, I’m swaying and grunting my disdain for the situation at hand and now a line of 6 customers behind me has developed. It started looking like the day after Christmas at the ole Mart. And of course, there was only one keeper of the register keys on duty. I also need to mention that between the old woman shaking from the nicotine withdrawal from her extended stay in the line and the insane mutterings of a obvious crazy cat lady she kept mentioning that she needed to put some of the check onto some sort of phone card or something, I don’t understand the poor leeches of our society.



Well, of course, idiot cashier didn’t do that once the stupid check was forced through. This caused smelly crazy cat lady to stop muttering and start yelling about now having to pay $2 to have the card loaded. At this point I was wishing I were loaded. This nut bag was ranting and raving over $2. (I bet if I moved the Coinstar machine in the corner two feet from the wall, I could pay the damn fee for her. Lord knows I wasn’t giving up the two bucks I had in pennies in my purse, she was smelly!)

The cashier, who has over 20 years of service – it said so on her badge, congrats! Enjoy your 20 year gift of crazy people in line – started to panic. At this point, her line was at least 10 angry people deep. So she started yelling for the manager, she was so nervous she couldn’t seem to remember how to use the phone to page a manager, so she just started screaming for Kathy. Hopefully Kathy is the manager and not the cashier’s imaginary friend.

So Kathy, or a lady with one of those keys with the elastic key chain around her bicep, rushed in and waived the $2 fee, by scribbling some gibberish on a scrap of paper and jammed it in the change drawer. I guess nervous cashier forgot how to write at this point. Then Kathy helped me and I ran home to write this tale!

READ ME - It's not about football, today. Promise!

As I previously mentioned, I’m on a hair journey. Well, I never officially called it that, but now I am. Henceforth, I will be on a hair journey, now it’s official. So, on this journey, I decided to get the exclusive Brazilian Blowout this coming Wednesday. When I decide to do something to my hair, I go all out. And it happens at least twice a year. Sometimes I chop it all off or get bangs. Maybe I’ll bleach it out or go jet black.

It’s just what I’m feeling on that Saturday. It’s usually a Saturday. That’s when the magic that is Mr. Curtis Salon is open, so I work with his schedule! So yesterday (a Saturday, of course) I decided to dye my brownish/blondish hair dark reddish almost purple. And I did it in my home salon (bathroom).

When I was rinsing the color out in the shower, it looked like a murder scene. It was insane and I looked like I was pushed around and bruised up due to the mess I made on my neck and ears with the dye. Any way, I missed big parts of my hair and it looked really ridiculous. Upon Curtis investigating my terrible hair job, I decided to bleach out my hair and re-dye it brown with blonde highlights.

Sounds simple. Oh no. Nothing with my rat’s nest is ever simple. So I get the hair color remover and new dye kit. I get home and prep everything while my Rams played. (Boo, Rams. Yay, Raiders!) During this time, I discover that my hair has ingested the whole bottle of remover and needed at least four more bottles for complete coverage. What the hell was I going to do?

So I quickly washed the crap out, still doing some damage in the meantime and finally made the right decision. I called the salon in the mall, since it’s the only place open in this dump of a town on a Sunday. I hustled up there with my face covered in shame.

Luckily the hairdresser on staff assured me she could fix my terrible attempt at doing my own hair. She proceeded to literally bleach my locks to a lovely shade of carrot orange and then dyed it to a beautiful caramel. It looks like I’m human again. I’m so happy I can go to Wal-Mart and look out of place because I don’t look like a freak. Just like the lady who thinks she’s better than the rest of the cretins that shop there.

Side note and question – Any time I mention to a stylist that I am very tender headed due to over processing and having a rough handed mother who yanked my long hair with a comb every morning as a child, they say, “Oh, I’ll be careful and gentle.” Then they proceed to rip my hair out by the root. Do they teach this in cosmetology classes? I think I saw my stylist use a renaissance style mace to comb the bleach thru my hair. I’m still cringing at the pain. But beauty is pain! I must look spectacular, because I’m pretty sure my scalp is still bleeding.

Love,
Stephanie

Where the hell have you been?!

Dear Loyal Followers,

Where the hell have I been this week? I’m sure you’ve all been on the edges of your seats. Your hearts filled with worry and concern about my whereabouts. Right? Well, I’ve been a little busy bee! Well, that makes it sound like I’m a nice little homemaker, doesn’t it? Well, that couldn’t be further from the truth!

As you know I bought a Dyson, FINALLY! So I’ve Dysoned the house several times already, I’ve never known the love one could have for their vacuum, but damned if I haven’t found it. I love the ole girl! Then, I decided to Rug Doctor this whole house. That took all day and most of an evening. But whoo buddy! This house is looking FINE!

Curtis got a new ‘puter and office setup. It’s breathtaking. So he spent two days getting that all put together and having the devils’ minions over at Charter out to get his connection all connected and whatnot. I got to spend the time destroying boxes and picking up the gar-bage from all the new electro gadgets.

Next up I got to have a parent teacher conference with the twins teacher. I was informed that they are amazing and just perfect. Well, all except for the concern that Addyson may be on the autism spectrum. So that was like a kick in the heart, but it’s not like we haven’t been down this road before. Plus on the up side, she will probably be considered mild if anything at all, so that makes it a little easier to handle.

I was told what a wonderful child Kenzy was, happy and always willing to help. Yeah, she is that, but with me she always has her arms crossed whining about how she never gets to do anything. And then she’ll slam a door or kick the dog. Real nice kid, Ms. Denise.

Then I got the wooden chest I’ve been dying for! Curtis put it together for me and it makes me smile when I walk into the room and see it!

Now for the end of the week. Today I ran over a BLUE RIBBON AWARENESS PIN! It busted my f’in TIRE! The tire on my beautiful new SUV. My life and soul slip away like the air wheezing from the gash in the wheel. So I go all over the freaking town of Mount Vernon and I apparently have such an amazing tire, that they couldn’t possibly keep it in stock anywhere near the forbidden town of Mount Vernon. So I get to drive on the spare, which is at least the same size, but still looks really ghetto. Monday morning cannot get here fast enough.

So I need to apologize to my friends for my absence, especially The Matts. I promise to be part of the group from here on out. I feel terrible that I wasn’t there for you two this week. Hugs and kisses!

Stephanie

Here’s to new beginnings and more bloggin'!

Introducing...

It is my honor and privilege to introduce to you, the newest member of the Akerman family…a brand new DYSON vacuum! We have been waiting for years and years to make this decision. Should we drop that much cabbage on a vacuum? Is it really worth it? Well, 5 vacuums in 4 years has made the choice very easy for us.

I went to my local Mart, it’s of the Wal variety. I was the talk of the town! No one could believe that I was purchasing that vacuum with the cords and weird steal-proof device. The cashier about shit herself when I got to the counter. Quite frankly, I was expecting the mayor to come out of the vision center and hand me the key to the city.

 Long story short, I have never been more in love. Today is the happiest day of my life. I’ve already broken her in and we all gazed at the gross that she picked up on her inaugural run. So, in honor of the new “lady” in my life please hold all my calls tomorrow between 9:30 and 11:30, for I will be running her like crazy. Thank you, Curtis, for helping fulfill my dreams.

All my love,

Stephanie

What time is it?

Addyson asks every 10 minutes or so what time it is. Her teacher told me she does it at school too. They say it's a good thing, I say it's a pain in my ass. Here is the conversation that just happened:

Addy: What time is it?
Me: Why do you have a date?
Addy: Yes.
Me: What time is your date?
Addy: 7:30
Me: I'll let you know when it's time for your date.
Addy: K, thanks.

That girl has her comedic timing down pat. Also, Kenzy just came in and whispered, "Addy doesn't really have a date." Oh really, thanks, Cubby.

Not Worth The File Space It's Written On.

I'm not feeling very bloggy today, so no new blog entry. Hopefully tomorrow will bring a funny story or maybe I'll get a huge check in the mail and you'll never hear from me again. Well, at least not until I run out of money. Have a great night loyal readers!

Stephanie

P.S. Yay, Rams!