I'm Getting Real Up In Here!

This evening I’m going to partake in a little rantin’ and ramblin’. I’ve had some things on my mind that I’ve just pushed deep down, but it’s all beginning to start to tickle my throat, so I may as well spit it out before I shoot it out.

Point the first:

If you are over the age of 10, you are no longer allowed to wear a bow in your hair. It is not cute when a woman who is clearly over the age of 30 has a little bow on the side of her head. You are not cool or cute. You may be thought of as a slut though. Sorry, but thems the breaks.

Second up:

Unless you are going to Disneyland or even Six Flags and you could be considered even a little overweight, do not wear a cartoon character shirt or jacket. It’s not fooling anyone. When I see an obese woman on a scooter in Wal-Mart with a gigantic Tweety Bird shirt on, I don’t think, “Hey, look at that skinny teenager. She’s so adorable in that Tweety Bird shirt.” Sadly, I do think, “Jesus, how many Tweety Bird beach towels have been sewn together for that ladies muumuu.” I know that’s terrible and I feel awful admitting these thoughts, but I need to begin the healing.

Thirdly:

Muffin-Top ≠ Sexy

Muffin-Top = Thoughts of vomit from those around you.

Fourthish:

If there are only 2 pumps in your whole county that dispense E85 gas, do not use either of those pumps unless you are purchasing E85 gas. Do not leave your 1984 Chevy Escort running in the E85 lane while you run into to take probably a disgusting dump in a bathroom that probably emits less carbon than your piece of shit car BLOCKING me from getting gas. Do you really need that 2 day old hotdog from the gas station? Eating that is not going to help you from getting out of that Tweety Bird shirt.

Finally Number Five:

I often wonder if my children think someone is coming to our house to take pictures of their “Business”. I wonder this because at least twice a day, I walk into the bathroom to see someone has left me the gift of crap. I think the kids imagine that one day someone will knock on our door and want to photograph their greatest achievement in the bathroom. I just gag, flush the toilet and retreat to my master bathroom. Which probably has a pair of underpants next to it. That’s Ty’s calling card, ya know, so we know who to credit in the picture.

Okay I’m going to do a little TV review, because something so wonderful has happened to Curtis and I.

We have fallen in love with the new show on AMC The Walking Dead. So this week, I’m giving it:

4 out of 4!

That’s 4 zombies outta 4 possible! If you love zombies or know someone who does, I highly suggest you Tivo this great show, turn off the lights and watch it. You’ll love it and I’ll stake my Zombie Preparedness Kit on it!

Sleep tight!

Stephanie