I just returned from a quick evening errand run. This is what I learned:
- At 8:30 pm on a Friday evening, I will be the oldest person inside of a Kroger.
- Apparently there is a Brut shortage that I am a party to. My local Walgreens, Wal-Mart and Kroger are all out of Brut aftershave. I purchased Skin Bracer to try to fool Curtis, but he wasn’t buying it. So he has settled for Brut Splash On until the shortage is remedied. (He claims he doesn’t like the Skin Bracer because it smells like his grandpa. I was all, “Whatevs.” But it smells like my grandpa too. I really hope it was just used by many grandpas or we may have a lot to explain to our mutant grandchildren.)
- I will always be behind the vehicle that has a gi-mondo order at McDonalds.
- While at Wendy’s drive-thru I realized that as I waited for my order, my chili was getting cold and my Frosty was getting hot. And it made me giggle.
- According to the Pontiac in front of me at Wendy’s, Jesus loves me. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.
- Someone in my neighborhood owns a camel. I know this because they apparently let it defecate on my DRIVEWAY. I wouldn’t care so much if it was in the yard, but I’ll be damned if I’m letting my $250 tire smoosh the shit into it’s treads. So like a HUMAN, I went out in the Zombie filled darkness to pick up the shit. Because that’s what a human does.
Love,
Stephanie Akerman
Human
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