I decided that in honor of my second home, Wal-Mart, I’m going to do a little expose of sorts. I’ll do some basic rundowns of the people I encounter at my local Wally World. This week will include a daily BONUS post of my essays on the subject. See if you can spot the similarities between my local store and yours. Fair warning, these bonus posts will be very long. I have a lot to say about Wal-Mart, I don’t know if I’ve made that evident in my Facebook status at any time.
Today’s Feature
The Cashier
The Talker
She wants to talk about her life with you. She wants to discuss every product you bought. “Why did you choose that brand of paper towels? Do you want this candy bar left out, I could put it in the same bag as your greeting cards if you’d prefer. Whose birthday is it? That’s neat. Did you know I get off work at 6, can I come to the party with you? That’s okay; I have to catch the bus anyhow. I love being on the bus, you get to talk to so many characters on there. I’m really popular on the bus. They clap and give me a standing ovation when I get off at my stop. Thanks for shopping Wal-Mart, see you soon. Stay in touch.”
The Elderly Woman
She just celebrated her 103rd birthday! She is shaking violently because of the, ya know, age. If she scanned your milk any slower, you’d get a discount on the yogurt she made. Elderly woman jumps in and out of memories. She will probably call you one of her great-grandchild’s names at least once during your timely ordeal. She will pass each item over the scanner 6 to 7 times unable to find the barcode. Once it’s found, she will repeat the process over and over. You will ALWAYS find this lovely lady at the express lane…that’s a promise.
The Teenager
She’s just here to make some money for her iTunes or Texties or whatever it is kids today have to pay for. In my youth it was a pager bill, so sad. Anyhow, she is pretty upbeat and usually has a chipper smile plastered on her pink lemonade colored lips. She’s more than likely popping some gum. Kids do love gum! She’s not too hard to deal with, she will probably make you feel extremely old and ugly, the complete opposite of her.
The Emo Teenager
She or he, sometimes I can’t tell, is super pissed to be ringing up us posers. There is always a face piercing and black eyeliner, no matter the gender. They will have the usual uniform, dark blue shirt and khaki pants, but most certainly there will be a hoodie on with crossbones or vials of poison screen printed in some bizarre pattern. They won’t make eye contact and will most definitely fold their arms in a huff while you get your payment ready. Be careful or they may just break down in tears if you try to make small talk.
The Ridiculous Bagger – This is sectioned into two parts:
The Overuser
This cashier loves to use plastic bags. She will put shampoo in one bag and conditioner in another. Never will more than one item share a bag with anothe. When you go to load your vehicle just start jamming bags inside of other bags, bread and eggs be damned. On the flip side, you have
The Underuser
This cashier is sure to pack all of the canned goods into one flimsy plastic bag. Heck, if you got items encased in glass that goes in the bag with all your canned peaches! Never one to double bag, she will set your gallon of milk directly onto your bread. The Overuser and the underuser need to have a little one on one time together to work towards becoming the perfect bagger.
The Perfect Bagger
It’s rare, but my Wal-Mart has a Perfect Bagger. Her name is Carol and when I see she’s working, I’ll stand in her line like I’m a 12 year old girl waiting to see Justin Bieber blow…his nose. Carol is what my cashier dreams are made of. She’s quick and she packs a mean bag. Boxes are arranged like flowers. Eggs and bread are packed with love like a newborn in her mother’s arms. Carol is pleasant, makes nice friendly small talk and gets that change like a pro. Carol is what other cashiers should aim to be. I salute you, Carol at the Mount Vernon Wal-Mart. Gosh I hope she reads this!
I would be remiss if I didn’t include, or at least mention, the following cashiers:
The Floater – Replaces those on break. I am always the person waiting for the floater to finish signing into the register and putting her clear wallet in place. She usually also must get her stick pad ready for finger moistening and a few stretches in as well.
The Angry Middleager – She’s pissed that she’s in her 40’s and is a cashier at Wal-Mart. She’s angry and she’s taking it out on your fruit.
The Only Guy – My Wal-Mart has one gentleman cashier. If you catch him at his shift start, he’s really nice and happy. If you catch him at clock out time, you may as well take your chances with any other cashier. This dude is getting out of here and doesn’t handle your bread with kid gloves. (If you know what I mean and if you’re reading my blog, you do!)
Okay, I think I covered the main cashiers at my Wal-Mart. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s bonus post I think I’ll tackle department workers. Peace!
yes, I have worked as a wal-mart cashier before, and I can totally .. see all of these.. I am proud to say I was a fast and perfect bagger!!! and maybe a lil bit of the angry middleager .. but I would try not to bruise the fruit...hahaha you need a LIKE button...
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