WAL-MART CUSTOMERS - WE SALUTE YOU!
The customers of Wal-Mart are what make Wal-Mart so very special. So today’s post is dedicated to them! I’ve decided to make a list of my favorites! If you’re feeling feisty, print out the list and see how many of my favorites you can collect.
· An obese person riding a motorized scooter, choosing not to obey any sort rules, these include rules of the road, rules of human civility or rules of personal hygiene.
· A frazzled couple pushing a baby in the cart, two kids hanging on to the sides of the cart, and at least three more kids bouncing from aisle to aisle, smashing into other customers and rearranging items on the shelves. Make sure to notice the home pregnancy test in the cart, which is also filled to the brim with groceries.
· Lady Chatterley talking away on her cell phone, oblivious to those around her. She will probably have a high pitched cackle/laugh. She will continuing talking on the phone while going through check out, making sure to scream and laugh while trying to listen to the cashier as well.
· A woman strolling through the aisles leisurely while two small children under the age of five are tagging along, way behind. I’m talking two to three aisles away. She will holler for them from time to time and they will get to her faster than fast. She will threaten to beat their asses if they don’t stay with her, however they will saunter off while she ignores them and the process will repeat itself.
· A gigantic man in the pasta aisle apparently talking to the spaghetti sauce. Only when he turns to put the sauce in his cart will you notice the Bluetooth in his ear. He will more than likely have on aviator sunglasses.
· An old man with his oxygen tank in the seat of the cart. He will be sitting on the bench waiting for a prescription in the pharmacy. His cart will block the aisle you need to go down, he knows this and will pretend to be deaf when you say “Excuse me.” Sixteen times.
· A lady obviously addicted to meth. Hair that is bleached at the ends, black at the roots, scarred face, zero to three teeth, a Tweety Bird Six Flags T-Shirt, pajama bottoms and flip flops that don’t match.
· A pack of teenage girls giggling and trying on sunglasses, playing with the bike horns and maybe trying to purchase cigarettes.
· A pack of teenage boys, following the pack of teenage girls. They will stay at least an aisle away but may attempt to approach the girls if the testosterone levels reach high enough.
· An elderly woman struggling to push a cart filled with 5 big bags of cat litter and 10 cases of canned cat food.
· A couple in their early 20’s with all Wal-Mart brand toilet paper, papers towels, soda, cheese, bread and soap in their cart. They really just could have used a hand basket to hide their shame.
· A man in camo carrying the gun he just bought in sporting goods, a case of Dr. Pepper and some dip.
· A teenage boy pacing back and forth down the condom aisle trying to figure out how to purchase them without dying of embarrassment or deciding if the risk to steal them and avoid interacting with the cashier is worth it.
· A woman reading every greeting card in the exact spot you need to be in. What are the chances that you both have a quinceanera to celebrate?
· An Amish mother and her children, who are well behaved and quiet, the exact opposite of every other child in the store.
I’m sure there are so many more variations of the common Wal-Mart customer. If I missed your favorite, please feel free to post it in the comments for all to see. No matter where your Wal-Mart is located, you can be sure to find an assembly of oddities parading through the aisles. Why do you think there is a whole site dedicated to them?
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