Today’s Feature
Customer Service, Greeters, Cart Wranglers
Customer Service
The customer service center has on average 35 registers and 34 Lane Closed Signs up at all times. The worker in this station has keys on stretchy key chains all the way up her arms. Occasionally you may be randomly chosen to have your transaction audited and a key is needed. It will be inserted into the register by a service center worker who will then stare at the screen press the same button 16 times, grouse, turn the key again, repeat the process then walk away. Who knows what the heck just happened, just sign that slip, get your in store credit card and walk away slowly.
The actual center will be filled to the brim with returns of broken coffee makers, ugly comforters, bruised apples and ripped open DVD player boxes, that more than likely do not hold the correct DVD player. No one ever restocks anything, they just keep adding to the pile. One day a customer service worker will be missing and I’ll make sure to point to the pile and suggest it is ground zero.
Greeters
There are three different types of Wal-Mart greeters:
Elderly
If you catch the elderly greeter on a good day, they treat you like the favorite grandchild. They smile and wish you well. They’ll even get your cart for you. If you have a return, they make small talk while the sticker is printing.
If you caught them on any other day, they will ignore you like the hated grandchild. They look away like you never thanked them for the $20 dollars they put in your birthday card. Forget getting a sticker for that return, you better head over to the other entrance pal-o, Grandpa is in no mood for you today!
Child-Like Adults
This greeter at first glance appears to be a very tall child. He usually has his pants hiked up like Urkel held a seminar in fashion for him. His hair is either scruffy or it is neatly held together with way too much gel. There will certainly be glasses, metal of course, he can’t put contacts in because the solution may damage his comics while turning pages. He will not make eye contact because girls make him nervous and guys are scary. He has to hold the return gun way too close to his face to read it. He is a nice kid, just frightened to hell and way to awkward to be a cashier.
Crazy People
This greeter can be found pacing back and force between the sensors near the doors. He giggles when he makes the doors open. He seems to like when they open with his magic powers. My crazy Wal-Mart greeter spoke with an Italian accent then one day, he said hello to me in a Squiggy voice. (If you don’t know that reference, go ask your parents, maybe your grandparents.) So either he really is a whack job, or he had a stroke. I just change my own accent when I talk to him; it’s a sign of solidarity. Us nut jobs have to stick together!
Cart Wranglers
Young Teenage Boy
Middle Age Man working a second job.
Handicapped Employee – Our handicapped cart wrangler is probably the hardest worker at Wal-Mart. He follows you to your car, helps you load your groceries and takes your cart for you. All without being asked too. He’s happy to be there, no one else is. He works in the burning summer and the snowy winters. He likes to ask about your family and if you’re wearing a Cardinals shirt, he’ll tell you all about the time he went to the old Busch stadium and how much he wants to go to the new one.
If I’m ever able too, I want to buy some tickets for him and his family to go. That guy works so hard every day and seems to actually love it. I watch him walk around the store and everyone says hello to him. At first I was a little bothered by the constant attention he shows me, but I’ve learned to appreciate that he takes the time to help me out. So the very least I can do is talk about the stinking Cardinals and tell him to make sure to stay cool when it’s so hot he’s covered in sweat.
He is the reason I continue to shop at Wal-Mart. I have to check on him every day and make sure he’s having a nice one.
See, I can be nice from time to time.
The saga continues tomorrow…
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