Oh, I’m sorry was I standing on your foot?

I cannot stand when the people around me are oblivious to life happening around them. While standing in line, I am usually waiting for the person in front of me to move 3 feet forward so I can start unloading my cart. Nope, they’d rather wait until the cashier hits total and then they can start deciding how they feel like paying. Only after they’ve paid and taken the time to go over the receipt, put their change into the correct wallet compartment and look through as many bags as it takes to make sure they were charged accordingly will they move.

Now, I’m in a race with the cashier to get the crap outta my cart faster than she can scan it. I have a little OCD with how I like to put my items on the belt, when I don’t have those 30 seconds to arrange everything perfectly; I have a major panic attack. Then I get to deal with the d-bag behind me shoving his cart up my ass while I unload. That or I have his kids pawing at my ice cream bars. Back it up, jerkoff.

I went to the cable company the other day to exchange our modem. I have literally 10 minutes to complete this task. Every time I pass this little Charter office, I never see any customers. This time, I wrangle the twins past Grandpa Wrinkles in the convertible and hustle them inside were I find Grandma Wrinkles deep into conversation with the single employee discussing her and Grandpa Wrinkles last vacation. 

Meanwhile, the twins are hanging off of ceiling, pulling down every movie poster and picking up some weird phone stuck on the wall with a cord! (A CORD! Is it 1985?) So rather than move it along, Grandma leans on the counter and dangles her shoe off of her foot while jacking her jaw. Grandpa runs in and says, “Make sure you find out about Internet. Ask lots of questions!”

I about lost my shit. I said, “Let’s go girls.” And they said, “Why?” I said, “I don’t have time to listen to bullshit, let’s roll.” Grandma didn’t even flinch. That old bag almost got her wig knocked off. I don’t like confrontations, at all. I talk big on the Interwebs, but I really hate to stand up for myself in the real world. I never make a scene; I usually tuck my tail and sneak away. But living in the town that apparently breeds rude, inconsiderate hillbillies has changed me. Hopefully for the better!

Later, there will be another installment of the Wal-Mart Chronicles! Tonight will delve into the Customer Service, Greeters and Cart Wranglers. Stay tuned!